Carpe Diem

Samantha Iverson
2006

On the night of June 20^th, 2005, my life was drastically changed forever; it was on this night I was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. After 7 months of hospitalization, 4 rounds of chemotherapy, 3 surgeries, 1 head shave, 1 spinal cord injury and countless tests, blood tests and appointments. I am now here and I am now free.

The feeling of acceptance is something we all long for at one time or another. The feeling of belonging to a particular group or person is something we all desire. Since my illness, I have felt that, at times, I am a foreign creature roaming the earth. Despite how kind everyone was trying to be, I still felt like a freak. This made me wonder why I had fought so hard to keep my life. I felt as though my life was not worth living. Life after cancer is harder than anything I could have imagined. Everything has changed.

"Alright, all you river rats get on the bus. Sam and Adam, you are riding in Kerri's van."

As instructed, we followed Dan's lead and hopped in our vehicles.

"Let's get this show on the road."

As I sat quietly in the back seat of the compact van, I did not know what to say. This was my first Teen Adventure Camp for cancer survivors and we were going to be rafting some of the world's largest rapids in the interior of British Columbia.

Mixed feelings coursed through my body. I was nervous, anxious, scared and excited all at once. Most of all, I was ready to embark on this new adventure and encounter many new teens with the same problems as myself. I quickly discovered that I was not the only one who felt this way.

"My name is Adam. What's yours?"

"Sam," I replied hesitantly.

"So, when were you sick? What did you have? Are you still sick?" Adam spoke without pause. "It took them a long time to figure out what I have and I still can't say it. My doctor is Dr. Dix; I really like him. Who is your doctor? Is this your first camp? It's my first time and I don't know anyone so I am pretty nervous. Are you?"

As I looked at him, I was unsure of what to say, wondering if he was going to faint from lack of oxygen. I began to explain.

"I had Acute Myeloid Leukemia, diagnosed in June of 2005 and my oncologist is Dr. Dix too. Yes, this is my first camp and, yes, I am nervous too."

"Wow! We have the same doctor. That's cool!"

"I guess so..."

As Adam continued to ramble on about his past experiences, I sat there patiently listening to his many stories about his illness, stories similar to my own - which helped me move on from my past.

How do you ask someone what kind of cancer they had? Is there a way to possibly avoid that awkward silence? I quickly learned that in some cases there was. If you came out and said it without contemplating the person's reaction, then all would be fine.

On our drive to Lytton from Vancouver we stopped for lunch at a Subway in Hope. When Adam and I sat down at the quiet table with two other boys, I didn't know what to say. I began with small talk until one of the boys looked at me and said, "Alright I am going to break the ice. Now what kind of cancer did you have and when?" I suddenly felt a great sigh of relief, content that I did not have to be the one to ask the question on everyone's mind. We all laughed and giggled as we began to tell our stories.

Once we arrived at the resort, we began to absorb the beauty of our surroundings. The Kumsheen Rafting Resort is one of the most beautiful places in all of British Columbia. Every morning we awoke to the smell of air so clean and fresh it cleansed our lungs. Our accommodations were astonishing; we stayed in cozy cabins, with a pool, classy restaurant, accompanied by a basketball and volleyball court. We spent our days at camp rafting for the majority of the day, stopping along the river side for lunch then returning to the resort before dinner. After dinner we swam in the pool, played cards in the cabins and reminisced together about our past experiences and hardships, leading us late into the night.

During the day as we rode the buckling rapids, I have to admit at times I felt as though my stomach was going to expel out my mouth. We were told that if we listen to our guide then all would be fine. We soon learned that when the guide told us to place both hands on the rope, it was a defiant must - if we did not want to fall into the pitching cold water.

All of us hollered through the rough patches and relaxed through the calm. We raced through rapids known best as the Terminator, Mother in Law, Jaws of Death and Devil's Kitchen. Despite the size of the monstrous waves we all knew that we had been through so much more. We had all survived cancer which is more than many can say. Yet, when it came time to get off the boats I still almost kissed the sand, happy to have my feet firmly planted back on the solid ground.

After I returned home from camp, I enjoyed sharing my many stories with my friends and family. How I, Samantha Iverson, went through the famous Hell's Gate, defying the monstrous waves and the adrenalin-filled whirlpools. The retreat gave me memories I will always cherish, for it was the first time that I was truly happy since I had been sick. The people around me understood what I was going through. Some had already been there and others were not quite there yet. This allowed me to help others that are one step behind me in this battle.

Our teenaged lives are constantly changing. The young people that I encountered at camp all experienced drastic change in their lives, as have I. The Teen Adventure Camp helped me to overcome the challenges that I had recently experienced - teaching me that although my life had significantly changed, it was possible for me to once again be content with myself and my life. To not be afraid of what lies ahead. To make the fight that I had endured worthwhile. To choose to venture out, instead of staying at home on weekends, afraid of how people might react to me, the foreign creature that now walking among them.

I was now filled with courage and determination that my life after cancer could be everything I want and need it to be; I now know how important my life truly is. These teens also understand the importance of life - how we should live our lives to the fullest and let nothing or no one hold us back.

Carpe Diem.